Have you ever looked at someone and sensed that something wasn’t quite right, even though they kept telling you they were fine?

Sometimes, the people who need help the most are not the ones shouting for it; they are, in fact, the ones who become unusually quiet.

They stop answering messages and doing the things they once enjoyed, sleep too much—or hardly sleep at all

They become irritable over things that would normally not bother them.

And when you ask, “Are you okay?”, they simply smile and say:

“I’m fine.”

But are they?

I was reminded of this recently through a conversation that stayed with me.

Sometimes, the cry for help doesn’t sound like a cry

A friend of mine called me from Nigeria one day and began telling me about her only brother, who had travelled to the UK on a Student Visa.

Like many people who leave home hoping to build a better future, he had arrived with expectations.

He probably imagined lectures, assignments, new experiences, independence and the excitement of beginning a new chapter in England.

But the reality he encountered was very different.

There were school fees to worry about, rent, bills, and other everyday costs of surviving in a new country.

And somewhere between trying to remain a student and trying to remain financially afloat, the pressure became overwhelming.

My friend told me how badly he was struggling.

Eventually, I spoke with him myself.

What I heard was difficult to forget.

He was exhausted, overwhelmed, and never stopped questioning the decision that had brought him to England in the first place. He had reached a point where he regretted the journey and wondered whether coming to the UK had been a mistake.

I could hear the weight in his voice.

And because I am a trained Mental Health First Aider, I knew that what he needed from me was not a diagnosis.

He needed someone to listen.

Someone to take him seriously.

Someone to help him see that being overwhelmed did not mean he had failed.

I offered him some financial assistance because there were immediate practical pressures that I could help ease. But I also understood something important:

Money alone could not solve everything he was carrying emotionally.

So I encouraged him towards appropriate professional support and signposted him to the right services.

That experience reminded me of something I think we sometimes forget:

Mental health struggles don’t always announce themselves.

Sometimes they hide behind a missed phone call, anger, excessive sleep.

They can even hide behind “I’m just tired.”

And there are times when they hide behind a person who is desperately trying to convince everyone—including themselves—that they are okay.

This is why learning to notice changes in the people around us matters.

It doesn’t mean becoming a therapist or diagnosing anyone.

It simply means becoming more observant, compassionate, and willing to ask:

“I’ve noticed you’ve not seemed yourself lately. How are you really doing?”

For immigrants and international students, the emotional weight of starting again in another country can sometimes be particularly complicated. Leaving familiar people, routines, and support systems behind can affect us in ways we don’t always anticipate. I have written more about this in When Home Is Thousands of Miles Away: The Mental Health Cost of Living Abroad.

So, what might you notice?

9 Signs Someone May Be Struggling and Could Benefit From Support

1. They suddenly withdraw from people

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting some time alone.

Some people naturally enjoy solitude more than others, and being introverted is not a sign that something is wrong.

The concern comes when there is a noticeable change from someone’s usual behaviour.

Perhaps your friend who normally answers your calls suddenly stops picking up.

Maybe the colleague who used to join everyone for lunch now eats alone.

Perhaps a family member who was once socially engaged begins declining almost every invitation.

One isolated incident doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

But a persistent change can be worth noticing.

Sometimes people withdraw because they feel overwhelmed, embarrassed about what they are experiencing, or don’t know how to explain what is happening inside them.

You don’t have to force them to talk.

You can simply let them know:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been keeping to yourself lately. I’m here if you want to talk.”

That small sentence could open a door.

Mind recommends letting someone know you care, listening without judgement and asking how you can help rather than assuming what they need.

2. Their behaviour becomes unusually irritable

Sometimes distress doesn’t look like sadness; it looks like anger.

I remember a colleague I will call Jasmine.

Jasmine was usually cheerful, easy-going, and the kind of person who could make people laugh.

Then something changed.

She became unusually irritable.

She snapped at people.

Small things seemed to annoy her.

At first, we assumed it was work-related stress.

But eventually, it became clear that something else was happening in her personal life.

Her irritability was not the whole story.

It was one of the ways her emotional strain was showing itself.

This is why I believe we should be careful about labelling people as “difficult,” “rude,” or “moody” when their behaviour suddenly changes.

Sometimes, the better question is:

“I wonder what is happening underneath this?”

Of course, irritability can have many causes and does not automatically mean someone is experiencing a mental health problem.

But when it represents a significant change in someone’s usual behaviour, it is worth checking in.

3. Their sleep pattern changes significantly

Sleep and emotional wellbeing are closely connected.

Someone who is struggling may find themselves sleeping far more than usual.

Another person may lie awake for hours.

Someone else may wake repeatedly throughout the night and feel exhausted during the day.

The important thing isn’t simply whether someone sleeps a lot or a little.

It is whether there has been a significant and persistent change from their normal pattern.

Think about the student I mentioned earlier.

Imagine carrying thoughts about tuition fees, accommodation, bills, immigration responsibilities, academic expectations, and the fear of failing—all while trying to sleep at night.

Sometimes the mind simply doesn’t know how to switch off.

If someone keeps talking about being unable to sleep, sleeping excessively, or feeling exhausted because their sleep has changed, don’t immediately dismiss it.

Ask them how they are doing.

Mind notes that problems with sleep can be one of the signs that someone is experiencing stress.

4. They begin neglecting their personal hygiene

This is one of those signs people may overlook because it can be uncomfortable to talk about.

Perhaps someone who normally takes pride in their appearance suddenly stops caring.

They may shower less frequently.

They may stop changing their clothes regularly.

Their home may become unusually untidy.

They may neglect dental care or other everyday routines.

Again, one bad day doesn’t mean anything.

We all have days when we are exhausted and simply cannot be bothered.

But when someone who normally looks after themselves begins consistently neglecting basic routines, it may be a sign that they are struggling to cope.

It doesn’t mean they are lazy.

It doesn’t mean they don’t care.

Sometimes, when a person is emotionally overwhelmed, even ordinary tasks can feel incredibly difficult.

Instead of criticising them, approach them with kindness.

“You’ve seemed really overwhelmed lately. Is there anything I can do to support you?”

5. Their eating habits change noticeably

Food can become another area where emotional distress shows itself.

Someone may suddenly lose their appetite.

Another person may begin eating significantly more than usual.

They may start skipping meals altogether or use food as a way of coping with difficult emotions.

Again, this sign should be considered alongside the person’s overall behaviour rather than treated as proof of a mental health problem.

There are many reasons someone’s eating habits can change.

But if you notice a significant and ongoing change in someone you care about, it may be worth checking in.

Sometimes the most useful thing you can offer isn’t advice.

It is simply your presence.

6. They are constantly exhausted

There is ordinary tiredness.

And then there is the kind of exhaustion where someone seems to have no energy for anything.

They sleep, rest, and take a day off.

And somehow, they still feel completely drained.

Emotional strain can be exhausting.

This is something I have written about before in When There Is Zero Energy for Self-Care, because sometimes what looks like ordinary tiredness is actually a sign that someone has been carrying too much for too long.

Imagine constantly worrying about money, a relationship, your job, your children, your future, or whether you made the right decision by leaving home and starting again somewhere else.

The body may be sitting still, but the mind is working overtime.

So when someone repeatedly says:

“I’m just so tired.”

Maybe don’t immediately respond with:

“You need to sleep more.”

Instead, ask:

“Tired in what way?”

Sometimes that question opens a much deeper conversation.

7. They lose interest in things they once loved

This one can be particularly telling.

I remember a neighbour of mine who was a passionate and accomplished fine artist.

He loved creating.

His paintings were beautiful.

His brushes were always within reach.

Then suddenly, he stopped.

The canvases remained untouched.

The paintbrushes dried up.

The activity that once brought him so much joy seemed to disappear from his life.

Later, he opened up about the marital difficulties he was experiencing.

That experience taught me something.

Sometimes you can learn a lot by paying attention to what someone <strong>stops doing.

For instance, your friend stops going to the gym; your sister stops attending the activities she once loved. Your partner loses interest in hobbies that used to bring them joy?

Someone who loves cooking suddenly stops entering the kitchen?

It doesn’t necessarily mean they are experiencing a mental health problem.

But it can be a reason to ask:

“I’ve noticed you haven’t been doing the things you usually enjoy. How have you been feeling?”

8. They struggle to concentrate

Have you ever sat down to do something and realised your mind simply isn’t cooperating?

We’ve all experienced this.

But when difficulty concentrating becomes persistent, it can become concerning—particularly when it starts affecting someone’s everyday life.

They may struggle to complete simple tasks, forget things more frequently, and find it difficult to follow conversations.

A student may suddenly struggle with coursework.

An employee may find it difficult to focus at work.

Someone may sit staring at their phone without actually taking in what they are reading.

Sometimes, the mind is simply overloaded.

When someone is carrying a lot emotionally, concentrating on ordinary things can become much harder.

Rather than immediately criticising their performance, consider asking whether something is weighing on them.

9. They begin expressing hopelessness

This is the sign I would encourage everyone to take seriously.

Listen carefully when someone begins saying things such as:

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What’s the point?”

“Nothing is going to change.”

“I wish I had never come here.”

“My life is meaningless.”

“I can’t cope anymore.”

Not every expression of frustration means someone is suicidal.

But expressions of hopelessness should not simply be brushed aside.

Don’t laugh it off.

Don’t tell them:

“Other people have it worse.”

Don’t immediately launch into a lecture about being grateful.

Listen.

Ask what they mean.

Ask how they are coping.

And if you are concerned that they may be at risk of harming themselves, take that concern seriously and help them access urgent professional support.

If someone in England needs urgent mental health help but is not in immediate danger, NHS guidance says they can call 111 and select the mental health option. If someone is in immediate danger or has seriously harmed themselves, call 999 or go to A&E.

So, What Do You Actually Do When You Notice These Signs?

This is where many of us become uncomfortable.

We notice.

We worry.

But then we don’t know what to say.

And because we don’t know what to say, we say nothing.

You don’t need a perfect speech, a psychology degree, and all the answers.

You can start with something simple.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you really doing?”

Then listen.

Don’t rush to solve everything, interrupt, or turn their experience into a comparison with your own.

Again, don’t say:

“You just need to be strong.”

“Stop thinking about it.”

And please don’t assume that because someone is smiling, working, studying or posting happily on social media, they must be okay.

People can function while struggling.

Instead, listen with compassion and ask what kind of support would actually be useful to them.

Mind’s guidance on helping someone with a mental health problem also recommends being non-judgemental, asking how you can help, and supporting someone to seek appropriate professional help when needed.

You Don’t Have to Rescue Someone

This is something I have learnt through my own experience as a Mental Health First Aider.

Supporting someone does not mean becoming responsible for fixing their life.

I helped the young man I mentioned at the beginning in the ways I reasonably could.

By listening and offering some practical financial assistance.

I encouraged him to seek appropriate professional support.

And I signposted him towards help.

But I could not solve every problem in his life.

None of us can.

Sometimes our role is simply to be the person who notices.

The person who listens.

The person who says, “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

And sometimes, we are the bridge between someone who is struggling and the professional help they need.

That is enough.

And What About the Student I Told You About?

I don’t want to end his story by making it sound as though one conversation magically fixed everything.

Life doesn’t work that way.

Financial pressure doesn’t disappear because someone has finally talked about it.

The realities of being an international student don’t disappear overnight.

But something important happened.

He was heard.

His struggle was taken seriously.

And instead of suffering completely alone, he was encouraged towards appropriate support.

That matters.

Because sometimes, when someone is overwhelmed, they don’t need another person telling them that everything will be fine.

They need someone willing to sit beside them in the “this is really difficult” moment and say:

“Let’s take this one step at a time.”

A Final Thought

There is a saying that we should be kind because we never know what someone is going through.

I think we need to take that a little further.

Don’t just be kind. Be observant.

Notice the friend who has gone quiet, the colleague whose personality has changed, the student who suddenly seems exhausted, the family member who has stopped doing the things they love, and that person who keeps saying they are fine when everything about them suggests otherwise.

And when you notice, don’t immediately judge.

Ask.

Listen.

Stay present.

Encourage appropriate support.

And remember that you don’t have to be a mental health professional to make someone feel less alone.

Sometimes, being the person who notices is the beginning of someone getting the help they need.

If someone in England needs urgent mental health help but is not in immediate danger, NHS guidance on urgent mental health help says they can call 111 and select the mental health option. If someone is in immediate danger or has seriously harmed themselves, call 999 or go to A&E.

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health

Mind: Helping someone with a mental health problem

Samaritans – If you’re having a difficult time

If this article made you think of someone, perhaps today is a good day to check on them.

Not with “Are you okay?” and a quick exit.

But with:

“How are you really doing?”

Sometimes, that question is where the conversation finally begins.