Whenever I’m making a list of the things that make this world beautiful and pleasant for me, I never forget to include friendship.

I say this because I have experienced personal growth and learnt so much through my interactions and relationships with friends. I’m someone who genuinely appreciates and values the friends I have in my life. I don’t take good friendships for granted.

There is something special about having people you can laugh with, talk to, dream with and, sometimes, simply sit with without having to explain yourself.

The right people around you can give you a sense of support, belonging and acceptance. They encourage you when you’re trying something new. They listen when life feels heavy. They celebrate your good news and remind you of who you are when you temporarily forget.

Over time, some friends become the people you turn to for guidance, ideas, laughter, and those conversations that somehow make everything feel a little lighter.

That kind of friendship is precious.

But what happens when the friendship that once felt comforting begins to feel exhausting?

What happens when you start checking your phone and feeling your heart sink because you already know who is messaging you?

Or when you find yourself rehearsing what to say because you know that whatever you say might become another argument, another complaint, or another reason for them to accuse you of not caring?

There comes a point when a friendship can begin to drain you more than it nurtures you.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t recognising that something feels wrong.

It is admitting that the person making you feel this way is someone you once cared about deeply.

I have had friendships that taught me beautiful lessons, friendships that helped me grow, and friendships that made me realise that sometimes, even when you care about someone, you cannot keep sacrificing your own peace to keep the friendship alive.

Maybe you can relate.

Perhaps you have a friend who needs your attention constantly.

Perhaps you have another who seems to love you but never misses an opportunity to point out what is wrong with you.

Or maybe you know someone who has slowly made you feel as though you need their approval before you can trust your own decisions.

Let’s look at three situations that may feel surprisingly familiar.

Friend A: The friend who always needs you

You have a friend who is very clingy and needy.

She always wants to talk to you on the phone. She expects you to respond to her messages quickly, and if you don’t, she becomes upset.

Suddenly, you’re hearing things like:

“You’ve changed.”

“You don’t care about me anymore.”

“I don’t know why you’re ignoring me.”

You may have a busy day. You may have work, children, family responsibilities, or simply need some quiet time for yourself.

But somehow, you end up feeling guilty for not being available.

She may also visit you and help herself to your things without stopping to ask whether you have enough or whether you actually need them.

At first, you overlook it.

After all, she’s your friend.

But eventually, every phone call starts feeling like another responsibility. Every message feels like something you have to deal with rather than something you look forward to.

You become overwhelmed.

You become exhausted.

And eventually, you find yourself pulling away.

Not because you suddenly stopped caring, but because you realised you couldn’t keep carrying the emotional weight of the friendship.

Friend B: The friend who is always correcting you

Then there is the friend who is always there for you — but somehow, she is also always there to tell you what is wrong with you.

“You’re so smart, but you don’t work hard enough.”

“You have such a nice face, but you should lose some weight.”

“If I were you, I would have done it differently.”

She compares your life with hers.

Her achievements become the measuring stick for yours. Her relationships seem better. Her career seems more successful. Her choices are presented as wiser.

And whenever you feel proud of yourself, she somehow finds a way to bring you back down.

Perhaps she tells you she is only being honest.

Perhaps she says she is doing it for your own good.

But there is a difference between a friend who lovingly tells you the truth and a friend who repeatedly makes you feel small.

A good friend can challenge you without humiliating you.

They can tell you when you’re making a mistake without making you feel like a mistake.

If you constantly leave conversations with this friend questioning yourself, your appearance, your choices or your achievements, it is worth paying attention to how the friendship makes you feel.

Friend C: The friend who wants to control you

And then there is the friend who seems to have an opinion about almost everything you do.

What you should wear.

Where you should go.

Who you should spend time with.

What you should say.

Even the decisions you make for yourself somehow become open for discussion.

She may become unhappy when you spend time with other friends.

She may make you feel guilty for wanting some time alone.

She may question your choices or dismiss your feelings when they don’t match what she thinks you should feel.

Little by little, you begin second-guessing yourself.

You start asking yourself, “Am I making the right decision?”

Not because you genuinely need advice, but because you have become accustomed to questioning your own judgement.

And that is where a friendship can become particularly exhausting.

Friendship shouldn’t require you to lose yourself to keep someone else comfortable.

Sometimes, we stay because of history.

Sometimes, we stay because we feel guilty.

Sometimes, we stay because we remember how good the friendship used to be.

And sometimes, we stay because a part of us is still hoping that the person will become the friend we need them to be.

Sometimes, making friends as an adult can be difficult, especially when you’re living in a new country and trying to build a social circle from scratch.

You may hold on to a friendship longer than you should because you worry about how difficult it might be to find new friends. I understand that fear. But wanting connection doesn’t mean you have to accept a friendship that constantly leaves you feeling drained.

If you’ve ever struggled to build meaningful connections after moving abroad, I’ve shared some thoughts on making friends as an adult after moving abroad and why the experience can feel so difficult.

But history alone cannot sustain a friendship. And caring about someone does not mean giving them unlimited access to your time, energy, emotions, or peace.

The difficult part is that an emotionally draining friendship doesn’t always look bad from the outside. You may still laugh together. You may still share memories. You may even have moments when you remember exactly why you became friends in the first place.

Yet, something feels different. You’re no longer as comfortable as you used to be. You’re beginning to dread conversations you once enjoyed, and you find yourself giving more of yourself than you have the energy to give.

Healthy friendships need room for honesty, respect, and individual needs. You should be able to express how you feel without constantly worrying about upsetting the other person, and you should not have to abandon your own needs to keep a friendship going. If you’re trying to understand what a healthier relationship looks like, the NHS has useful advice on maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your mental wellbeing.

If any of this feels familiar, perhaps it’s time to pay closer attention to what this friendship is doing to you.

Because before you decide whether to hold on, have an honest conversation, or walk away, you need to understand what has changed — and whether this is a difficult season in your friendship or a pattern that keeps hurting you.